Thursday will mark 7 months since we had our beautiful angel! Is it really possible? Could it really be 7 months already? Where oh where has the time gone? Yet in the same breath how can it only been 7 months! It feels like years ago that we held our little angel in our arms.
About 5 months ago I went on birth control because I just couldn't see having a baby just yet. Now I'm about a month and a week away from when we will start TTC again. I told myself that after taking birth control for 6 months I would be ready to try again. Now as the time approaches I feel myself so full of hope and excitement when I think about it, but yet its quickly replaced by a racing heart. Does that mean I'm not ready, or does it simply mean that having another child will bring so much into our life. I don't think I will ever get to the point where I'm not stressed out about bringing a child into this world. I don't know if we got pregnant a month from now, or started trying 2 years from now if my heart would ever stop racing at the thought of a child. What I do know is that at some point I will need to take a leap and just trust myself and put some faith into my body that I can carry a child to term, and we will someday have our forever baby.
With this being said on Friday I asked Bryanna to give me a sign that she was OK with us having a baby, and that she was OK with us giving her a baby brother or sister. While I expected to see a sign from her right there and then it wasn't until Sunday that her beautiful butterfly appeared. I was coming out of the garage and as soon as I opened the garage door there she was fluttering by, almost as if she had been waiting for me. I told her hi and walked to the car. As I walked back she was still there and even stayed around long enough for her daddy to see. I can't help but think this is the sign from her that I asked to see. This was her telling me "Yes mommy I'm OK, and you have my permission to try again." Does this make me crazy, or simply optimistic? I do need some faith to help me through the days, and for now this is enough for me.