Monday, June 15, 2009

And then she was calm...

Last night while in bed I had this calming effect come over me. It was as if though I knew I would be ok and everything was going to be ok. Almost as if someone had placed their hands on me and said you are going to get through this and the anxiety and pain will go away. Of course this was after praying all day for God to take away the anxiety and the pain. Oddly enough its the same calming effect that came over me about 2 months before we got pregnant with Bryanna. I had often wondered if I would ever get pregnant and in the back of my mind I think I had always known I wouldn't. Then one day I was sitting there and a calm came over me and I just knew it was God saying we would have a baby one day. Therapy went well today and there were no tears. I've also been able to take half a xanax a day instead of a whole one which has been a nice change. I'm slowly trying to wean myself off of it all together. I feel more hopeful and just over all a lot better.

Yesterday Bryan gave me a bag that had two little girl onsies and a 6 pack of ballet slipper socks. I hadn't seen this bag since the day we went to the hospital. Amazingly enough I did not cry as I looked through the bag and didn't cry as I put it all away in her box. I'm ok with doing this. It still hurts but it doesn't make me as anxious. I feel like I've grown so much just in this past month. I still look forward to this month being over but it hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be...I am so thankful for my wonderful Family and Friends they have helped me so much!


  1. You're doing so great my friend! I'm proud of you.

  2. I finally caught up on your blog. As soon as I started reading this post I immediatley thought "Bryanna brought that calm" and then you said you thought it too. Gina, I know in my heart that she is watching out for you and wants you to be well :)