Friday, June 12, 2009

It's time to strengthen my faith

Recently I have been reading a blog about another mom who lost her dear sweet baby. Her blog makes me realize that it's time to strengthen my faith. While I've always have faith I don't think it's as strong as it needs to be. Going through a loss like we have experienced you either turn to God or you turn you back on him. We chose to turn to him, but I'm not sure my faith is as strong as it should be. I still have so many questions that have never been answered and I daily wonder "why?" Why us? Why our family? Why our baby? What did we do to deserve this? I'm sure I will never have my answers but maybe I need to stop looking for answers. Maybe I need to learn to trust God more and know that there is a reason why our dear sweet Bryanna is no longer with us. As I was reading that blog yesterday I ran across a quote..after reading it it hit me pretty hard. It spoke to me and I felt such strength in it that I decided to share it here.

"While God doesn't always give answers to your questions, he always gives himself."
Reading this quote made me realize I need to stop looking for answers. I need to stop looking for reasons to be sick or thinking I'm sick. I need to stop looking for answers as to why this happened. The truth is we will never know, and I will continue to drive myself crazy until I learn to stop looking for something. I need to be thankful that while Bryanna is no longer on this earth with us and we will never be able to raise her she is resting in a wonderful place. She is one of God's angels. I've said it in a previous post but how lucky are we to have our very own guardian angel that we created. I know that I need to start healing so that one day soon we can start trying again. The only way this is going to be possible is to turn to God and to stop looking for answers in every little thing. I need to learn to put trust into my Dr's again, and continue to pray to get me through my day. I need to stop worrying if we will ever be able to have a baby again and just rest assure that when God is ready to bless us again we will once again have a baby. God has sent me the most amazing family and friends to get me through my rough time. I need to learn to take his little sign and signs from Bryanna to get me through the day. I need to learn to cherish everything in my life again and as cheesy as it sounds stop to smell the roses every now and then.

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